I'm going to eat a steak today....

I've never had a steak before in my life so this is kind of a big deal.  Up until last year I hadn't had a hamburger before.  I was pregnant at the time, and started to crave meat.  It was strange since I had no idea what meat tasted like.
Once upon a time I was pregnant with the beautifulest angel Leia Sky.  We were 35 weeks pregnant when I found out her heart stopped beating.  It was the single most horrible thing that has happen to us.  Us as in me and my husband.  We have been together since 1997, married since 2004.  You can read about this experience and the letters I wrote to Leia @ www.letterstoleia.ca. 
So when I started to crave steak, I knew right away I was pregnant.  I'm only 6 weeks and 1 day, but the symptoms are intense.  My breasts are sore, I have acne, my back hurts, and i'm craving weird foods.  But I love every moment of it.  I'm nervous, excited, scared and so very happy.
This happiness comes at a price though. A stillbirth, and my mom died.  She died on Easter Sunday around 3 am of a massive heart attack.  She was my best friend, the person I talked to 2 or 3 times a day.  I took a pregnancy test the day after she died 4 days before my period was even late.
I watched the one line form, then the second one came in pretty clear. I was at my uncle's house a complete mess of nerves and sadness then it all changed.
This pregnancy is a gift from my mom.  I know it's not a coincidence that we found out we were pregnant so soon after.  She wanted grandchildren so bad, and was broken when Leia died. She knew that I would be beyond repair after she died, so she had to send me a sign.  A reason to live, and to keep swimming.   I honestly would have retreated back to the person I was six months ago, had we not found out.    That person was a crying, depressed, emotional wreck.  Not saying that I am not still like that, but it's not nearly as extreme.
I still miss my baby every single day, and my mom more than I can explain.  But now we have something to be happy about.  Something to look forward to.
A reason to learn how to fly...