She goes to the doctors an awful lot, and nobody seems to notice. Her best friend is TJ (Macaulay Culkin) who would do anything for her. Her dad meets Shelly (Jamie Lee Curtis), and quickly falls in love with her. Vada realizes that she is in love with her teacher so she joins in on a summer writing class.
Just before her dad and Shelly are going to get married, something really shitty happens. *Spoiler alert* TJ dies. Vada and him share a quick kiss - to see what it is like , and then she goes home. She tells him that she is going to marry her teacher, and TJ asks her to think about marrying him instead.
He goes to the woods to find Vada's mood ring, she lost a few days before while they played with a bees nest. Turns out he is allergic to bee's, and gets stung.
I remember when I first watched this movie, I was 15. My own Nana had just died in January, and It changed my life. It was the first time I ever realized that people died. Then watching this movie, I was shocked to realize that children can also die. I mean I am sure I knew, but never really had any experience with it first hand.
Now today I re-watched this movie, and all these emotions came back to me. I realized that this wasn't just a movie. It was real life. People die, children die, Nana's die and Parents die. I'm going to die someday.
I hate death and dying. I mean I'm sure nobody likes it, but do other people think about it 24/7? I tried for years after my Nana died to avoid the topic. I never talked about how much her death effected me, and my mom. I know she never got over it 20 years later. And that was the reason why she couldn't be with me when my own daughter died.
This movie does a good job at depicting real emotions, and what happens when someone close to you dies. Vada right away started the 'I should have's' saying she 'should have told him he was her best friend'. Then she asks if she killed her mother. Blaming herself for her mom's death and then somehow for TJ's death.
Shelly says this quote to Vada's dad "I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people. But life isn't just death, Harry. Don't ignore the living, especially your daughter." It really hit home for me. I think I've been focusing on death for too long, and ignoring the living. Ignorning the fact that I have a baby growing inside of me. Ignoring that I do have friends, family and a husband who love me right now.
I cried long and hard watching this movie, and when Vada goes up to TJ's coffin that was it for me. I literally couldn't breath. She starts shaking him, and asking where his glasses are. This is exactly what I did when I saw my mom's body last month. I asked where her glasses were. I said she couldn't see. I shook her, and told her to wake up. I begged her to come back to me. To open her eyes. Then a little bit of air and bubbles came out of her mouth. This freaked me out so bad. I didn't really realize how bad until tonight.
My PTSD has came back and full force. I am getting my aniexty attacks, and reliving the death of my daughter. The death of my mother. So much death. Giving birth to my dead daughter. There has been a lot of triggers lately. My book coming out has freaked me out. I re-read it on the tablet and freaked out. I know I wrote it , but it has been months since I read and wrote half of that stuff. In fact I don't remember writing to Leia after she died for the first month.
I think I need to take a break for me. Clear my head, and think of the good that is coming to me. There is lots of time to think about promotion for the book, and nobody is going to think I've forgot about Leia if I take a break.
So this is Me vowing to take it easy. No texting, pinteresting, facebooking, tweeting, or blogging. I need to clear my head and try to get these panic attacks under control again. I will only watch funny movies, and read books that will make me feel good!
Tumblr is down anyways so I can't even go write to Leia. It's our 7 month angelversary on Sunday and International Beavered Mother's Day. I can't deal with that. I am struggling with Mother's day.
See you soon..
Angie
